Disclaimer: I have been asked to comment regarding the nature of this review. I do hereby proclaim that I was working alone in this endeavor and I claim full responsibility for any and all of the content read and/or viewed in this review.
The Lost and Found Video Night volumes contain some of the most inappropriate, creepy, insane, and uncomfortable bits of media gathered from all over creation. Each volume horrifies, intrigues, and in some cases, grosses us out, mostly because of the sheer lack of context from each clip. Transitions are jarring and difficult to follow as you move from one obscure piece of media to another. I spent many long nights identifying and cataloguing each clip in the first volume. I believe I did a fine job with the exception of one or two things I couldn’t identify. The time code format is hours:minutes:seconds (hh:mm:ss).
00:00:00 – 00:05:22 White trash yuppie air drums to Metallica’s Sad But True.
00:05:23 – 00:08:04 Artsy fartsy music video by Crispin Glover called Clowny Clown Clown.
00:08:05 – 00:08:50 Clip from That Teen Show where Herve Villechaize (that short guy with the funny voice from Fantasy Island) talks about how kids need love so they don’t commit suicide.
00:08:51 – 00:10:39 A very special video birthday surprise for Steve Via.
00:10:40 – 00:14:59 Stereotypical tourists wear stupid clothes and lip sync to Don’t Worry, Be Happy in a film booth at an Amusement Park.
00:15:00 – 00:18:24 Catchy musical number from the Bollywood film Don.
00:18:25 – 00:19:15 VHS-quality clip of The Osmonds performing Crazy Horses.
00:19:16 – 00:19:37 More of Steve Via’s “gift” video!
00:19:38 – 00:21:28 Clip from Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling (GLOW) TV show complete with song and intros. Features fight of the century between Spanish Red and The California Doll.
00:21:29 – 00:21:46 Wrestler Awesome Mike Awesome tries to perform a power slam on the ref and breaks the turnbuckle.
00:21:47 – 00:21:48 Awkward looped clip from the aforementioned film Don.
00:21:49 – 00:24:12 A musical guest on the Lawrence Welk show is overdubbed with Velvet Underground’s Sister Ray.
00:24:13 – 00:26:32 A decidedly 80’s opening number to the Mr. T inspirational video for kids Be Somebody or Be Somebody’s Fool.
00:26:33 – 00:28:09 Elvis Presley drunk and (probably) drugged out of his mind, trying to sing Are You Lonesome Tonight? …TRYING.
00:28:10 – 00:30:15 Crispin Glover plays “Groovin’ Larry” who, in turn, is playing Olivia Newton-John in a talent show in the short film The Orkly Kid.
00:30:16 – 00:31:43 A death metal band “wocks and wolls” at a Group Home much to the alleged delight of the residents.
00:31:44 – 00:33:17 Clip from the video Strong Kids, Safe Kids where Chris Wallace sings about the difference between boys and girls.
00:33:18 – 00:33:20 Repeated clip of Awesome Mike Awesome screwing up a power slam in case you forgot how awesome he was.
00:33:21 – 00:33:51 Clip from Once Upon a Potty (For Him) explaining how to…use the potty. For babies and the elderly alike.
00:33:52 – 00:33:59 Gah! MORE of Steve Via’s birthday surprise!
00:34:00 – 00:35:11 Japanese pop idol, Kimutaku (Kimura Takuya) of the band SMAP gets launched into the air with a human slingshot.
00:35:12 – 00:35:21 Mel Gibson stars in a Japanese car commercial driving the 280 PS Boxer Master.
00:35:22 – 00:35:33 Clip from a yet-unidentified film where a woman bites a guys neck on a motorcycle, and holds his head which detaches as the motorcycle speeds off with the rest of his body.
00:35:34 – 00:38:09 Episode from Kure Kure Takora (Gimme Gimme Octopus), a kids show where an Octopus and a Humanoid Squash steal an iguana’s mosquito coil.
00:38:10 – 00:38:59 A martial arts master is shamed with liquid disgrace from his foe.
00:39:00 – 00:39:26 Kimutaku is, once again, launched into the air. This time in his underwear. Poor guy.
00:39:27 – 00:41:11 Some bizarre Spanish film featuring a lengthy dialogue between two ladies and some awful monster costumes.
00:41:12 – 00:42:07 Clip from the Turkish version of Star Trek. It’s somehow worse than the actual TV show.
00:42:08 – 00:44:58 Creepy and vaguely intoxicating German stop-motion film about…a vivisection? I think?
00:44:59 – 00:47:13 Mildly uncomfortable Japanese game show where women are judged by their…uh…assets. Thank God we live in the 21st century! Right? Ladies? You with me?
00:47:14 – 00:47:28 Japanese concert promo starring KISS!
00:47:29 – 00:47:42 Madonna stars as a samurai in a Japanese commercial advertising a Shochu rice beverage by Takara Shuzo.
00:47:43 – 00:49:34 The Spiders, a Japanese surf rock band, play on amidst intercut clips of go-go dancing women and one very unexcitable crowd.
00:49:35 – 00:51:09 Opening sequence to the aforementioned film Don. In this scene, Don arrives to a deal that goes bad…for his clients! *EXPLOSION* *TITLE*
00:51:10 – 00:54:48 Disturbing clip from the film La BÃªte (The Beast). It’s like Deliverance only with a monster and slightly more Victorian Era Chords.
00:54:49 – 00:54:51 The same awkward looped clip from the aforementioned film Don.
00:54:52 – 00:56:25 A clip from Turkish Wizard of Oz! Joy!
00:56:26 – 00:57:32 A jarring clip from the Japanese VHS entitled Basty Doll that goes on way longer than necessary.
00:57:33 – 00:59:06 Video of Japanese noise band S.O.B. Kaidan performing some lovely noise and overall raging out.
00:59:07 – 01:03:00 Clip from the film DÃ¼nyayÄ± Kurtaran Adam, also known as Turkish Star Wars. Contains probably about 20 minutes of original material the rest is, you guessed it, Star Wars.
01:03:01 – 01:03:27 Jerry Lewis reminding us why he was and will always be the greatest actor of all time.
01:03:28 – 01:07:07 Crispin Glover appears on Letterman in character as “Rubin” from a film that wasn’t even announced or released prior to his appearance. Awkward AND confusing.
01:07:08 – 01:10:31 Two male action figures explore their feelings in the stop motion masterpiece Major Repair Job.
01:10:32 – 01:11:00 Beloved fascist, anti-Semitic, and overall “human animal” GG Allin guest stars on a very special episode of The Jane Whitney Show.
01:11:01 – 01:11:58 Clip from Traci Lords fitness workout video. Not featured: me “working out.” Oh ho! Shwing!
01:11:59 – 01:13:27 Cheech Marin wannabe decides to remove a pool tarp by jumping down on top of it from over 10 feet in the air. At least, that was the plan before the ladder snapped.
01:13:28 – 01:16:01 An informative and educational animation explaining the merits of homosexual culture on our world today.
01:16:02 – 01:16:04 Awkward looped clip from the aforementioned Jerry Lewis scene.
01:16:05 – 01:16:53 What’s worse? A walrus doing what it does when it’s bored, or a human being making sure they got it all on film?
01:16:54 – 01:19:15 Clip from the amazing kung fu thriller Mr. No Legs. A man with no legs defeats hired guns with his masterful martial arts.
01:19:16 – 01:21:15 Comprehensive demonstration for the proper usage of the “Venus 2.”
01:21:16 – 01:22:04 Same white trash yuppie from the opening (sans shirt) air drums us to the finish. This volume has come full circle.