This was possible the gayest movie I’ve ever seen. Not that I’m in a habit of watching gay movies. I’m also not using that in a derogatory way, it really had boy-love undertones. Heck undertones would mean they attempted to hide it. And they didn’t.

So I imagine most of this review will be a hate-fueled rant about this abomination of a movie, while cursing Goshzilla’s name for making me watch and review this tripe. Oh, I got to use tripe to label a movie, things are looking up. But not up enough to forgive this movie.

This movie wants you to think it’s about the occult or magic or something, but underneath that (get the pun) it’s about male models stripping to their underwear, or sometimes less. To make matters worse, they slow everything down as to emphasizes the gaiety of the situation. Case in point. The jocks invite one of the losers to jog with them, then hit the showers. The whole point was to embarass him, but instead we are all embarassed at having to witness a five minute montage of underwear dropping around some ankles. Luckily the camera remains at the ankles. That doesn’t warrant much forgiveness, but we’ll take what we can get.

I’ll sum up the plot quickly, so I can continue with my hate. Jocks make life hard for losers, so a warlock transfer student gets revenge.

Ok so the losers are male models, just as the jocks are, but the losers have a few freckles and longer hair. Sometimes they smoke, and sometimes they lick other men. So as their lives are being made miserable, the new student, who happens to be a warlock of the black arts, arrives and starts to help our band of misfits while giving them everything they’ve wanted. This leads to not-ambiguously gay scene number two. He invites them to go swimming and they can’t wait to strip down to their undies and horse around in the pool, getting a little too touchy feely in the process. As the initiation process begins, they need to share tears or sweat in order to complete the energy transfer or whatever. This is made dumber by the fact that they are in a pool, so how would one know what is sweat at that point. Doesn’t stop them from licking faces to get said sweat. Really the only thing not gay in this movie, was when they rape a girl, but that was only down for power, and all they really did was stare creepily at her.

Mayhem ensues when they must break all ten commandments, until all they have left is ‘Thou Shalt not Kill’. Most of the loser gang doesn’t have a problem with this, but it causes some strife between the lead warlock the the head of the loser squad. To end it all, they must call in one of their teachers who somehow is magical, but for the powers of good. I forget the details of the ending, but they were probably gay in some respect.

So don’t watch this. I had to, and that’s far enough.