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Goshzilla.com - Now in colour!
| Wednesday, August 19, 2009 - Horror |
Breathing Room [2008] - Several people are trapped in a room and must follow the rules to get out. Saw seems to have inspired some clones. In reality this follows the original entry in the fact that it's a closed room, but then it goes into Cube territory. Everything goes back to Cube of course. Right off the bat, unknown forces state that there are rules, and only those who follow them will survive. The person we follow from the start enters mid-game, and there's already a body count, so apparently a few haven't been following the rules. continue reading...
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| Tuesday, August 18, 2009 - Classic |
The Wild World of Batwoman [1966] - Director Jerry Warren shows us the true value of female superheroes by objectifying the hell out of them. I tend to have more of an appreciation for classic films as opposed to more current things of my generation. I think back to the days of Alfred Hitchcock and while I may not have even been around to appreciate them, that hasn’t stopped me from longing for the days of cool actors and cool acting. Jimmy Stewart, Edward G. Robinson, Fred MacMurray, and, of course, Vincent Price are all actors who are long gone, but I still admire. I look at a lot of actors nowadays and though I can spot a handful that I would definitely consider “cool” in the same respect as ol’ Jimmy, I can’t take the majority of them seriously as actors and as people. continue reading...
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| Monday, August 17, 2009 - Horror |
Shredder [2003] - Better follow the ski resort rules, or the slasher will kill you, then destroy your board. Horray for more generic slashers. Let me guess, does it start with a random clip of someone being knocked off by a well-hidden killer. Yes it does! And is that followed by a scene of a bunch of twenty-somethings in a car ride. Wow, right again! It's almost as if this formula was use in other movies. Or every movie.
Not that it was really a bad generic slasher, but it does give me fodder for my list of movies that open with a car ride. Most people think cat's jumping out of closets are the ultimate cliché, but I tell you, I'm on to something here. But of course we don't expect slashers to break much new ground, however we do have a new motive for the killer: failing to obey ski rules. Stupid snowboarding punks. continue reading...
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| Friday, August 14, 2009 - Horror |
Devil's Harvest [2003] - Brian Blessed stars in the most boring horror movie since The Village. For the past three days (going on four) I’ve been without internet. Mind you, I’m really not complaining. It’s actually been kind of therapeutic not to have that “portal to the world” constantly open; though I’m sure a time will come, very soon, where I will hear something I’m interested in and want to fire up the ol' wiki only to be denied. Case in point: I was watching Devil’s Harvest the other night, which revolved around an unseen demon of Hell called “Dagon.” Now I was familiar with the Lovecraftian Dagon, but I wasn’t familiar with the real-world religious mythos surrounding him. Today, thanks to Wikipedia, I now know that he is a Semitic fish-god who has endured in literature for centuries; all Lovecraft did was attempt to explain the existence of this “god” as an actual monster that primitive man (and fish-man) worshiped; if this was, in fact, the same Dagon. continue reading...
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| Thursday, August 13, 2009 - Horror |
Brotherhood 2, The [2001] - Jocks make life hard for losers, so a warlock transfer student gets revenge. This was possible the gayest movie I've ever seen. Not that I'm in a habit of watching gay movies. I'm also not using that in a derogatory way, it really had boy-love undertones. Heck undertones would mean they attempted to hide it. And they didn't. continue reading...
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| Wednesday, August 12, 2009 - Horror |
Hausu [1977] - A house goes crazy and kills off people during school break. Well this was a pleasant oddity. I had seen just a clip on the Lost and Found archives, then tracked down the movie. Thankfully the movie contained about the same level of weirdness and camera tomfoolery. At least the second half anyway.
Many effects were used to create this movie, and being 1977, it was probably all of them at the time. Between vivid matte paintings, blue screens, and odd kaleidoscope vision lenses, the story unravels in a very unique way. continue reading...
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| Tuesday, August 11, 2009 - Sci-fi |
Guardians [2006] - Guardians of humankind against the supernatural must defeat monsters summoned from the black arts. I have to admit, the cover is impressive. That's often the only thing that will help me see a movie. I'm simple in many ways. I couldn't really figure out what the movie was about, and even halfway through that was still the case. I think towards the end, it was a bit clearer, but not a whole lot.
The movie starts out with a barren town and a lot of dead bodies. The only survivors are driving away at breakneck speed, but soon a creature appears behind them and starts stabbing the car. After taking out a few of the people in the car, the last one tries unsuccessfully to run away on foot. continue reading...
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| Monday, August 10, 2009 - Animation Sci-fi |
La Planète Sauvage [1973] - Psychadelic adventure on a bizarre, alien world. The idea of a distant planet, no a universe, teeming with alien life has always fascinated me. I attribute this largely to the fact that such thinking was unofficially forbidden by my father. Even to this day, I'm not entirely sure why he was so against the idea of life existing on other worlds. Maybe it was because he believed that humans were created by God and aliens weren't. Or maybe it was because of what the exposure to this subject matter did to an overly-imaginative little boy like me. I remember seeing the trailer to Communion on television, where Christopher Walken stares down the foot of his bed at an alien face halfway peeking at him from outside his room; Consequently, I also remember not sleeping at all that night. continue reading...
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| Friday, August 7, 2009 - Sci-fi |
Alien Invasion Arizona [2005] - Aliens cause trouble for some escaped convicts. You can tell by the cover, that this movie was trying very hard to appear like a genuine alien movie. The words 'Invasion Arizona' were printed ever so tiny, it was easy to miss. But such is the work of b-movies, and luckily our trained eyes can spot these, and in turn specifically pick them up rather than accidentally. continue reading...
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| Thursday, August 6, 2009 - Horror |
Demons at the Door [2004] - A demon teleconferences into a middle-eastern dig site, where he declares war upon two marines in order to get the Eye of Satan back. Sooner or later, I'm going to end up watching all the movies that Joe Castro has been involved with. And not on purpose mind you, I just dig a DVD from the collection and voila, rubber demons bleeding yellow paint all over the place.
Not that I complain mind you. A movie this silly can't help but be enjoyable to some degree. You won't find any self-discovery or journies or friendship here. Well maybe a little, but mostly we witness severed limbs and torn gullets. continue reading...
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| Wednesday, August 5, 2009 - Horror |
Killing Club, The [2001] - After accidentally killing her boyfriend and getting away with it, a group of women decide to keep at it. I really thought I wouldn't like this one. It sat in my to-do pile for ages until Goshzilla gave me the evil eye and growled something about chronology, whatever that means. So I popped it in and expected a bore fest. You can't blame me, it's a thriller of all things. I'd raise the issue that we don't even have a thriller section here, but he was hearing none of it.
It stars the woman from Happy Gilmore and Traci Lords, better known for her brief pursuit into the techno music business. I don't think she did any of the music, rather just sang, so it's one of the great ironies of our time that the one song that made it onto the Mortal Kombat soundtrack was an instrumental edit. continue reading...
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| Tuesday, August 4, 2009 - Horror |
The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy [2007] - The murderous tale of a flesh eating girl and a deformed devil boy. To call this a bad movie, would be to admit it was a movie. Actually I hate to say it's even bad, because in some way it's not. The fact that it's 15 minutes long, helps tremendously as you can't really be put off too much in that span of time. I think the connections to Troma don't help, as I don't care a whole lot for them, but it is nice to see just a group of people making whatever they feel like. continue reading...
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| Monday, August 3, 2009 - Horror |
Near Death [2004] - Three annoying ghost hunters find a house filled with ghouls that enjoy eating Jell-O. I will admit that Joe Castro has grown on me. I’m not ready to watch his films without the generous persuasion of a cattle prod (as is often the case working for Goshzilla), but the man has some chops. As a filmmaker, his talents reside mostly in cheap yet convincing special effects and less in the pacing, storytelling, character development, etc. It’s really no surprise if you’ve done your research; the man grew up on a farm which included a slaughter house that I'm sure he got to know very well. Inspired by both his environment and monster films, he went on to distinguish himself by winning a National Special Effects Award at the age of 15 before moving on to professional film making. Why am I telling you this? Simple. The following review is about Near Death, a film that, I’m sorry to say, has some of the most underwhelming special effects I’ve ever seen in a Castro project. continue reading...
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| Friday, July 31, 2009 - Horror |
Dark Reel [2008] - The winner of a walk-on role for a pirate movie ends up in the middle of a real life ghost and slasher story. It's apparent why the actors are in this movie. Lance Hendrickson and Tony Todd make a living off these roles and don't take them terribly serious. Eddy Furlong is in a need of a comeback after Crow: Wicked Prayer, and Tiffany Shepis has been in most recent b-movies, so it's just a matter of routine at this point I imagine.
One thing we notice off the bat is how bad Furlong looks. To help, he could have left the hair longer. As he role casts him as a winner of a walk on part in a pirate b-movie, the role within a role doesn't seem too far off from the truth. On the other hand, the supporting actors take the helm and give us some better performances, all while attracting a bit more attention. continue reading...
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| Thursday, July 30, 2009 - Horror |
Tower of Blood [2005] - They show up, play with a Ouija board, then die. But not from the Ouija board. How many movies have followed this premise: A group of twenty-somethings want to party in an abandoned building and some slasher who somehow existed on his own for years in the place kills them all one-by-one. The correct answer can only be determined by researching the sales of mini-DV prosumer cameras, as I've yet to find an end by actually watching these movies. continue reading...
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| Wednesday, July 29, 2009 - Horror |
Killer Rats [2003] - Rats infest a rehab center and are huge. Well one is at least. A movie called Killer Rats has to be good. Or at least you shouldn't expect a whole lot from it. I'm not sure how these movies get made, or who finances them. Pitching a movie about large rats that kill people must be quite the job. But luckily someone was up to the challenge and got the job done.
The plot, as you can imagine, revolves around rats, ones that kill people. That alone would be enough, but I suppose there has to be a bit more. It starts off with two people doing some work on the building. One punches a hole in the wall, and then gets sucked in while the other runs away, but still apparently dies. continue reading...
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| Tuesday, July 28, 2009 - Horror |
Midnight Movie [2008] - A killer jumps out of the slasher movie he directed in order to kill even more people. Paying customers no less. I'm not a huge slasher fan. You have a big scary guy who picks off people one by one. You can't very well have a full cast at the end of the movie, so every small victory means little when in the next scene they person who saved the moment ends up coughing up entrails. But I suppose they serve a purpose in so far as they provide the most death for the time alotted and can vary things up a bit.
I expected to not like this movie. Which begs the question why I bought it. Well I suppose the hologram cover helped; I mean be real. It has drawing power. The premise is that a slasher movie within the movie comes to life and then people start to die. This always bothered me. Even in a movie fantasy land, the logistics just don't make sense. It bothered me just as much in Demons 2, but at least here, there's only one instance of the film in question. continue reading...
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| Monday, July 27, 2009 - Sci-fi |
Subterano [2003] - Virtual reality becomes actual reality in a twisted game. Been a while since I've watched a sci-fi movie that doesn't involve a monster of some sort. Instead we have here an entry into the virtual reality game gone wrong genre. I don't know if that's a whole genre, but I've seen enough of them. While this bleeds more into actual reality, it's still close enough. continue reading...
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| Friday, July 24, 2009 - Horror |
Lost Highway [1997] - A man, accused of murdering his wife, is sent to prison where he physically morphs into a completely different person. There are many ways one can approach a David Lynch film. The literal interpretation of events can only carry you so far as seemingly inexplicable elements are thrown in to throw you off at every turn. As is most often the case, multiple viewings yield multiple perceptions and in this review, I will do my best to interpret what I’ve seen in order to best describe the overall spirit and nature of the film: Lost Highway. continue reading...
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| Thursday, July 23, 2009 - Action |
Zatoichi [2003] - A blind drifter becomes enthralled in a conspiracy revolving around the murder of an aristocratic family and a sinister criminal racket. Much like James Bond, Zatoichi has endured several decades and his films are still being made and enjoyed to this day. As a blind vagrant who makes money gambling and giving massages, he doesn’t appear to be a threat. However, when faced with corruption and perceived injustice to the innocent, his cane, concealing a blade, is brought forth and bodies quickly pile up. Having never opened his eyes, he possesses an incredible sense of hearing and knowledge of his position relative to others; he is a fearsome opponent. continue reading...
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