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Monday, January 4, 2010 - Games  (1 comment)
Rayman 2: The Great Escape [1999] - The strange hero with no limbs staves off a robot pirate invasion in this epic Disney-esque adventure!

In 1995, the world was introduced to "Rayman."


This charming, happy-go-lucky creature was better known for his lack of limbs which allowed him to traverse stages and dispatch foes in witty and unconventional ways.

My earliest recollection of this character occurred when I continue reading...

Sunday, January 3, 2010 - Blog
Back to Normally Scheduled Service -

Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year, and moreso if you got any decent time off. Reviews will return this week, but the collective team got a break from Goshzilla's tyrannical demands for the past two weeks, so we took it.

We should have some interesting movies to post, as well as some production on originals, which will also appear. We had a ton of Christmas themed movies almost ready, but that just didn't happen, so they will remain dormant until next year when we post them and pretend we were actually prepared. Hopefully by then you won't have remembered this post. Stay tuned.
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009 - Animation Classic  (2 comments)
Little King: Christmas Night [1933] - A king sees two hobos eyeing some Christmas gifts, and brings them home to enjoy the holiday in his castle.

I love vintage cartoons or really any film from the depression era. They capture that time when people were at their poorest but still in good spirits, trying to build up the infrastructure that we all enjoy now. Of course there were a fair amount of rag-tag traveling hobos who couldn't find work, but didn't complain and instead wore their rags and tried to survive until the next meal. continue reading...

Monday, December 21, 2009 - Horror
Deadly Little Christmas [2009] - After catching his dad cheating, a boy stabs him, but the murders seem to continue 15 years later.

Sourcing Christmas movies that match this site's focus proves to be slightly more difficult than finding Halloween movies. I suppose dealing with the actual holiday, there may be more, but for October all you need is a few rustling leaves and it works.

I'm sure one of these days, I will grab Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 and write about the epic 'Garbage Day!' moments, but until then we start off with a mini-DV production. For a limited budget, shot on video attempt, it's not half bad. Acting is decent, camera work is pretty good, and they didn't try to outright offend everyone in order to push the boundaries. continue reading...

Friday, December 18, 2009 - Blog
White Realm: Episode 4 - Cael and Drago escape the Halloween planet, but stumble upon another mess.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 - Games
Arcade Infinity & Friends - The only place in southern California that the sun never touches.

Gather 'round, kiddies. It's storytime with Uncle Nerd.

It's not uncommon for the more introverted 20-somethings of today to have fond memories of a local video arcade that they frequented "back in the day". It's no secret that the culture of the video arcade today is something very different than what it was 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Much of the reminiscing you'll hear involves a favorite game or maybe a specific group of people that would always be at their arcade of choice whenever they visited. Then the story ends with some snarky remark about how arcades don't exist anymore because of all these newfangled home consoles/deplorable corporate greed/darn younguns with no appreciation for old things!

I think it's important to take an honest continue reading...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - Horror
Death Bed: The Bed that Eats [1977] - A demon mourns over the passing of a loved one and possesses a bed that in turn eats people.

Death Bed is a mess of a movie. The concept is certainly bizarre, but that's far from the oddest thing about this movie. Granted a foaming, chicken loving bed that gets indigestion is hard to top, but the presentation is so haphazardly thrown together, it's hard to make sense even of the senseless.

The main fault is the inability to really follow the story. Flashbacks, and accounts of previous victims to the bed, are thrown around without much linear concern. While this wouldn't normally be a bad thing, it's placed within the main storyline about three girls house-sitting for the mansion. I'm not sure why they're house-sitting, especially since this bed is notorious enough to have multple news articles about it. Even the mayor wasn't safe from its appetite. continue reading...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - Classic Sci-fi Series
Crash of Moons [1954] - Rocky Jones saves the universe with gumption and good old fashioned hard work.

Crash of Moons is one of those films from the 50's that is so cheesy that the only way it manages to really stand the test of time is by support from real nostalgia buffs and self-hating mongrels like myself. Set in the "not so distant future" the film follows the exploits of Rocky Jones, all-American hero, and his lovable sidekick, Winky (shut up).

One thing that always makes me laugh about these films is when they are set in the "not so distant future," I mean what does that even mean? "Oh, in, like, the 60's we'll have space stations and dress like we're going to a Renaissance Fair in space?" 'Fraid not, mi amigos! We, humanity, are still very much continue reading...

Monday, December 14, 2009 - Horror
The Granny [1995] - A grandmother comes back from the graves after misusing a potion and uses the chance to take revenge on her ungrateful family.

The Granny is a fun film. It's completely absurd and over the top while adding in some irreverent humor and ridiculous characters. It's a traditional story of revenge mixed with demon possession.

I first found this at a video store that was still predominantly VHS driven, while the rest of the world was moving to DVD. Instead of upgrading, they just went out of business which is sad, but I suppose either outcome would have lost the olden gems. But in that time, I did find some treasures like Truth or Dare, Monster Dog, and the Dr. Jekyll movie with Anthony Perkins. I also managed to somehow copy most of them to DVD-R since they didn't bother with macrovision protection on the majority. You'll be seeing a few of those rips here in the future. continue reading...

Friday, December 11, 2009 - Horror Sci-fi
Alien Contamination [1980] - Humanity is threatened by an alien pathogen that makes people explode.

So, in 1979 this guy named Ridley Scott came out with this movie called Alien. A claustrophobic, frightening and surreal tour-de-force, Alien was a one of a kind film that redefined the scifi/monster movie genre. Spawning numerous sequels, spin-offs, literature, and even video games, the Alien franchise is still very much alive and well. However, as with all great things, success shined down on the film casting a long, black shadow of horrible imitators. You may recall a fairly recent review of Inseminoid that LesserGood had the pleasure of talking about. That film was notable for taking all the vaguely erotic and scary child-birth themes from Alien and leaving all the character dynamics, coherent plot and setting at the door. Today, I get to talk to you about Alien Contamination, a film whose only fault is some stilted writing and the utter boredom experienced in the first half.

The story of Alien Contamination follows a regular, average Brooklyn Police continue reading...

Thursday, December 10, 2009 - Horror
Wilderness Survival for Girls [2004] - A post-graduation celebration in a remote cabin turns to a standoff with an intruder.

This is one of those movies where you figure it's purely exploitative. Not I'm not saying it isn't at all, but it's hardly the point of the film. I'm sure a certain amount of false pretense was used to lure in viewers, so they would sit long enough for the plot to unravel, and that's understandable. continue reading...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 - Horror
Deadly Spawn, The [1983] - Aliens with thousands of teeth crash to earth and eat whoever is nearby.

There have been plenty of early low-budget monster movies, and many are hit or miss. Usually the budget plays a role in that, but fortunately for the Deadly Spawn, that was not the case. Whoever was in charge of the puppeteering did a fine job at creating a hideous alien being.

The aliens consist of large mouths, and not a whole lot more. The mouths are packed with teeth to the point of overflowing. While they come in various sizes, from the 'mother' to the offspring, each is still comically oversized. Much like the Blob, from which most monster movies borrow plot, an object crashes to Earth and a hungry alien is deposited. continue reading...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009 - Article
Lost and Found Video Night Guide - Volume 1 - You wouldn't jump into the ocean without a life vest. Don't view this collection without my guide.

Disclaimer: I have been asked to comment regarding the nature of this review. I do hereby proclaim that I was working alone in this endeavor and I (Joe) claim full responsibility for any and all of the content read and/or viewed in this review. continue reading...

Monday, December 7, 2009 - Horror
Vampire in Vegas [2009] - A modern day vampire plans to take over the world by running for mayor and finding a cure for his inability to withstand sunlight.

When the world looks back on the 70's and 80's and thinks about crazy directors who churn out tons of movies, they would probably first come up with Jess Franco then quickly move to either Jean Rollin or Joe D'Amato. Not for the deranged content, of which there was surely plenty, but their knack for jumping genres in an attempt to keep up with their production schedule.

Now when we look at moderns time, there seems to be a lack of genuine creators of trash cinema. Sure the micro-budget scene exploded with the advent of mini-DV, and I imagine will do so again with the DSLR explosion. However despite a few gems out there giving us terrible movies like Owe Boll, few are as prolific as the psychopaths coming out of Italy 30 years ago. continue reading...

Friday, December 4, 2009 - Blog
Oakley Co-pilots [2009] - A trip to the Oakley Inc. headquarters

I recently won a trip to the headquarters of Oakley, makers of sunglasses, goggles, watches, etc... It was an awesome experience, so the following is a day by day account of the trip: continue reading...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 - Horror
Tales of Terror from Tokyo: Volume One [2003] - A collection of visceral vignettes from our friends in Japan.

Japanese horror is significantly different from American horror in many ways. Typical American horror makes use of quick cuts and snappy editing to create frantic moments of tension or sudden and horrifying occurrences. There is usually a reason for an American haunting that goes beyond the indiscriminate and radioactive anger of a vengeful spirit in a Japanese haunting.

While there is a much more literal aspect to the American horror genre, Japanese horror can be much more psychological and interpretive. Sounds play a major role ranging from grotesque to vaguely sexual, but the source of these noises is elusive at times, forcing the viewer to let their mind wander. Tapestries of woe and torment riddled with blanks that beckon your mind to fill-in with the very things that torment us each as individuals. In theory, two different people could watch a Japanese horror story and get scared for very different reasons.

The Tales of Terror From Tokyo DVD isn't one full movie, nor is it continue reading...

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 - Blog
Martian Transmissions - Archived transmissions from the ill-fated Martian insurrection.

Few people remember the War of the Worlds television show, but even fewer people know that it was based on a true story. The Martian insurrection actually happened, and I have, for you today, the collected transmissions that were intercepted between the Martian leaders (the Advocacy) and their home world of Mor-Tax. Additional help with the translations provided by Shaman Joseph Lonetree. Pictures have been provided courtesy of the Blackwood Team. To see larger versions, simply click on the thumbnail.

Transmission #001
It would appear that we are very much alive, my lords. The humans, in their infinite wisdom, saw fit to merely store our bodies in plain view at some waste facility. They also appear to hold no interest in our technology as our flying machines and heat rays were found unmolested in a hangar along with the Ark of the Covenant. Yes, millions of Jews believe it's beneath the Temple Mount.



Transmission #002
In order to move about freely within human society, we have seized continue reading...

Monday, November 30, 2009 - Action
Angel of Death [2009] - An assasin gets a brain injury and decides to only kill bad people from then on.

Been a while since I watched a pure action movie, and even this was a trick. I figured it was some sort of horror, but that was mot meant to be. Of course it didn't stop me from watching it.

I knew the lead female looked familiar, and then I realized it was the girl who showed up at the last minute in Death Proof to hang outside a car window with a 2x4 as a weapon. For some reason, I was very annoyed, but here it's a bit more tolerable for some reason. continue reading...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 - Documentary
Thanksgiving with the O'Connors - After many shots of whiskey, a family has a very uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm honestly not sure what this is. I felt obligated to try and find at least one Thanksgiving themed entry for the site, since I'm obviously too busy to create custom graphics and such. Maybe I'll perk up for Christmas. Who knows.

Anyway I stumbed over whatever this is supposed to be. I wasn't even sure if this was worth adding as a review, but I have no plan B, so we're gonna roll with it. continue reading...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 - Action Sci-fi Series
War of the Worlds [1988] - Humanity's last line of defense wages an invisible war against the same Martians that couldn't handle the common cold.

Picking up after the events of the 1950's film, the War of the Worlds television series found a small research team battling the dark agenda of the Martians that survived the first war. Now, anyone who has seen the original film will undoubtedly have some questions. For starters, all the Martians were wiped out by "alien" disease, how could there be survivors? Furthermore, why does the setting (1988) look remarkably similar to the way we knew it...wasn't Earth ravaged in the war? I have one word: "retcon."

The premise of the show is simple: the Martians never really died from foreign disease, they were simply put to sleep. Instead of researching them and their technology, the powers that be figured the best idea was to simply store the aliens in toxic waste drums out in the middle of some desert. This plan lasted 35 glorious years until a terrorist group took control of the storage facility and inadvertently reanimated the Martians. From there, the Martians used human bodies as their vessels and eventually discovered their flying death machines and technology which was gathering dust in some continue reading...